How to make your parent feel at home in your home

If you are considering moving an elderly parent into your home, there are some important emotional, practical, and economic issues to take into account first.

Before you think about making your parent feel welcome, you need to decide whether bringing Mom or Dad into your home is really the best choice for you and your family, says Gail Gibson Hunt, president and CEO of the National Alliance for Caregiving. “The impulse is, ‘I can do a better job taking care of him or her,’” says Hunt. “But you have to consider what’s going to be required. This isn’t like someone broke a leg skiing and is going to heal and go home. It’s much more complex.”

Whether it will work depends upon many factors. Is your family on board? How will it impact your work? How well do you all get along? Your parent’s health care team should be able to help you understand what’s needed medically and how their conditions are likely to progress. These tips can help you get started if you do decide that your “home sweet home” can be home to one more.

Put safety first. “Safety in the home is a big deal,” says Hunt. She suggests considering what renovations will help your loved one be more independent. Much of this will depend upon whether they’re frail and ill or healthy and independent. You might install grab bars and a raised toilet seat in the bathrooms. Remove tripping hazards like throw rugs. Add more lighting or brighter bulbs. Locate the microwave where they can reach it to make a cup of tea. Visit www.homemods.org, a website from the University of Southern California Leonard Davis School of Gerontology, for more info on home modification. 

Get them involved. Invite them to participate in the daily living and household chores, to whatever extent they’re able and interested. Maybe Mom was a great cook or Dad was an avid gardener. Even if they can’t do what they once did, they might enjoy helping out and offering tips. Also, whenever possible, sit down together for dinner sometimes and ask them to share some stories.

Don’t leave them marooned. It may sound great to have a bed-and-bath in the basement or on the second floor, but will your loved one be able to venture out of there? Will the rest of the family be at work or school all day? Consider adult day care, which offers chances to socialize and participate in a variety of activities.

Be clear about house rules. “It’s your home,” says Hunt. “You are, as you always were, the person that’s running it, and it needs to be run the way you want it to be. It’s important to say, ‘This is my house and these are my kids, and I’m doing the best I can.’”

Let them decorate their space with their things. To help your parent become more acclimated, try to ensure their bedroom is homey and gives them a place to retreat. Perhaps you could bring some of their furniture or a treasured painting. “Your parent has given up so much and they’re down to one room in yours,” says Hunt. 

For more resources, the Eldercare Locator on www.eldercare.gov can help you find your local agencies on aging, which can connect you with local experts and resources.